Do you ever spend days, when you cry for no reason at all? This spring has been so cold, so late, so cruel and so fraught with conflict, filled with work conflicting with work, responsibilities I cannot fulfil and loved ones I cannot be everything for. It has all hit me this week, when I was supposed to be away from it all and on top of it all. And so I have watched the screen blur, and I have had no idea why, why can't I just write, why can't I just do, why can't I just act?
I am far away from most of it, and as the load lightens, there is space for my despair to peek through the cracks again. But I have this tube of superglue, and as I write I am repairing myself, tightening it all up and wiping the tears away. It's just salt water anyway, and soon I will have finished one more thing on my list, and then one more and then one more until I can start breathing again.
This is pathetic, isn't it? Well, sometimes, I am pretty pathetic. I'll be back to being professional and professorial later.