Monday, October 07, 2002

Maxed out
I am maxed out on stress. It doesn't register on any scale of mind or body any more. There's nothing I can do but toil continously, finish the most immediate tasks as they arrive, and try to deal with the rest in the little windows of time in between. No more slack - lunchbreaks are used to talk to students, and when I go to sleep I wake up at the middle of the night and write down something I have forgotten. It's impossible to sleep more than six hours, even when I plan to sleep in. But somehow it doesn't concern me - I go from task to task as if nothing matters any more. Perhaps the brain produces some kind of drug, related to endorphins, that kick in and protect people who are under continous stress for too long? Or perhaps I have just somehow learned to deal with stress? When I tried the Stress Centre questionnaire it said I am only moderately stressed. I don't trust that test though, because when I take a cup of tea, close my eyes and listen closely, I can hear the dulled screams of panic from the darkest corners of my brain.

No comments: