Sunday, January 19, 2003

The sound of my own voice
Doing research, isolated in my office, my topic and my head for months - not to say years - blogging was a way to hear my own voice. All the little things that I was thinking, all the things that somehow connect to other ideas and thoughts, but didn't belong in the thesis, came out here.

Over the last couple of months I have become increasingly annoyed with my blogging. Not because I think it takes too much time - no, it's as easy and effortless as ever - but because I don't feel that urge to communicate. After the first few lectures this semester, I think I see what happened. I have started teaching again, lecturing, interacting with students, answering questions and introducing ideas, questions and thoughts directly to an active, intelligent and critical audience. When a lecture is good, I manage to weave my own thoughts and ideas into it, show the students how current affairs connect to theory, demonstrate how the things I read and enjoy can be analyzed and questioned. I get to display different types of criticism, I get to recommend books, and I get involved in discussions over the topics that interest me.

This is exactly what blogging does for me.

However: where the lectures and topic-bound and sporadic, the blogging is constant. My mind works all year too - so lectures can't fill all the need for a place to think and express myself, even if I don't get to hear my own voice here. It's actually a pleasant, clear and distinct voice which sounds very good on radio or television, although it doesn't cut through the din of a noisy auditorium. (My silence is very loud though.) I am hoping that my writing voice, my blog voice will settle to be something of the same. (Although I imagine that silence in the blog will not give the same effect as silence in front of the class... "ssshhhh, stop the writing on the net everybody, so Torill can start....")

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